So you really care for this relationship but it is not doing its best. You try for something and you end up arguing or walking away? It surprises you how things can be so wrong with the most important person in your life?
Here’s what you can do to improve the important relationships in your life:
1. STEP BACK: When we are too close to the relationship we are not able to see what is wrong with it. Usually when things go wrong our instinct is to get closer to the problem and thus losing sight of the bigger picture. So step back. Do not try to fix or improve anything for a little while and you will be surprised to see some positivity returning. May be you are too possessive? Too controlling? Too idealistic? Harbor unrealistic expectations? It can be anything but if things improve when you back off it means you need to look inside.
2. LOOK INSIDE: So often we get into relationships with the blinds of our expectations so tightly tied that all we do is try desperately to fit the other person within the confines of these expectations. And when we feel resistance, we feel everything is going wrong with the relationship. Look inside. What are you expecting out of the relationship? Are you trying to change others too much? Do you know what you are expecting from the relationship and for yourself? And how much are you giving?
3. FOCUS ON INDIVIDUALITY: Every person in unique and so are you. We love the company of some people and we love to do things with them, but to expect that we will think and feel and want alike all the time is inviting trouble. We need to cherish our individual personalities in order to be happy and bloom and we need to give the same space to the other to be happy and bloom. Are you spending too much time together? Do you have different friends or is it all together?
4. COMMUNICATE: It is an art to talk in a way that the other person is willing to listen and be open to listen to the other’s perspectives. Most issues can be solved by a healthy regular communication. Let them know. It is not about complaining. When you can feel free to talk without being overwhelmed by negative emotions, the other would also be willing to listen and understand. We are not mind readers, get into the habit of asking and sharing. And practice the concept agreeing to disagree.
5. SEEK HELP: Sometimes we are not able to either express ourselves clearly or to understand the other. We need a mature, unbiased, nonjudgmental person to help us see what exactly is going wrong and then to work on it. Seek out a counselor. Both of you can get a nonthreatening environment to express yourself and it is sometimes easier to reach out to the other through someone.
Our relationships are important. To cherish them over lifetime we need to take responsibility and take action. Try these steps and let me know if I can help you some more.
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