“Ideal parenting” or rather “Ideal Mothering” is one of the biggest diseases that infests modern parenting. I don’t know who and when exactly set those parameters but slowly it has got down to leaving almost every mother feeling guilty about something or the other in her way of parenting.

Here are some of the roles that are part of the "unwritten list of roles of an ideal mother”-

1. Should be soft spoken and patient- always

2. Must be a wonderful cook to cater to changing age and taste of all her kids

3. Must know how to teach them

4. Must impart all the so called ‘sanskars’ or values to them

5. Must be a friend, philosopher and guide to them

6. Must earn to provide for their every need and yet be available all the time

If you just take another look at this list it sounds like the description of an angel and then I doubt whether an angel can be all that in one. Also notice that in good old days, half of the above responsibilities were to be taken by the dads …. Oh .. and that also includes that she should never feel tired, irritated, unhappy or sad anytime.

To make it all even more difficult the final judgment of her being a good parent or not is based not on her efforts but on how the kids turn out to be. In the entire process the variables like the kids personality, the effect of other members of the family, his environment, the temptations and everything else if totally discounted and the mother is made to feel inadequate and left to feel guilty while the child merrily goes about its life. What is more unfortunate is that most of the kids too contribute to her guilt by repeatedly pointing out to where she is not perfect and how other mothers are better!!

Moms, it is time to come out of this trap. We are just humans as much as the kids are. They would grow up the way they decide to. Do your best that you believe is the right for them. Where you fall short take help from others and then leave the outcome to the kids. If you feel unheard and misunderstood, look up for a counselor. Talk your heart out, for here is someone who would understand and listen. If u feel trapped in all the loads of housework and kid-care look for online counseling services that are there for you to connect in your few moments off.

Learn to focus on what you have done and pat your own back, the outcome is not for yours to decide. So celebrate your efforts, the sleepless nights and the thankless job- for no one else would. You deserve the best for you dared to be a mother!!