You must have often heard:
“Why did he say such a thing
about me? Or How can you say what I am thinking is not correct?”
Does this sound familiar?
And then -
“I’ll show him”! I’ll show him
I’m not at all what he thinks I am!”
We have said these words or
similar ones so many times- to ourselves, to others… We let these sentiments
lodge in our minds, make a home there to remind us of a hurtful feeling.
But we must realize, that people
will comment. They always do. But the urge to refute an incorrect assessment is
so great that often most people spend sleepless nights over it.
It may be the most commonplace
thing we decide to do, something as normal as wearing a new outfit or a new
hairstyle, but unless we get the approval of our peers, we are restless. We
crave the valuation, the approval. In this process, if someone criticizes our
interests, dislikes our methods, then immediately a cloud hangs over the
happiness. We become angry and resentful of the person. The joy we take in our
work and our choices diminishes considerably. Here the big questions pops up-
Do I really love and respect myself? This is a check point that is worth stopping over at a counselor and
having a few sessions to discover our feelings for ourselves.
Actually this whole business is
quite amusing. What I feel is right, and what I believe in I expect others to
say, do and believe in exactly the same things. Haven’t we all insisted on such
a state of affairs? Haven’t we all expected to be liked at all the time by
The flip side of this expectation
is that one must like and appreciate everything that is done and said by other
But does that really happen? Do I
like everything that you do? - No.
Do I expect you to like
everything I do? - Yes.
Why bind people in such skewed
expectations? And even more importantly, if another person does not like what I
say and do, why do I let it affect my confidence in my own likes and desires,
my ability to make certain lifestyle choices? You might say that’s not true -
but think about it. Most people are hell-bent
on convincing people of their choices and actions. Not just in personal
matters, but even while discussing national politics over a cup of tea, people
are not averse to pushing their opinions down their listeners’ throats.
Let me ask you a question -
Do you maintain your value system
your personal truths for yourself or to convince other people about them? Stop
a bit to think.
Why use precious time and expend
our invaluable essence in convincing others as to our personal worth? Why stop
the clear stream of one’s own personal purity to pander to other people’s
negatives of false self-pride? Why waste our most beautiful moments of selfhood
in trying to please other people who are only naysayers caught up in their own
lies and deceit? If you catch yourself doing that, then know it is because of
one thing and one thing only - a lack of self-confidence. And that definitely
calls for a heart to heart conversation with a counselor to catch hold of exactly what is making you give so much
importance to what others say.
If I am absolutely sure and
confident of my thoughts and actions, decisions and thought processes, then I will
never be affected by the people who try to dissuade me from them or give their
opinions that do not match with mine. I may ask for suggestions but do I have
to go out of my way to convince them of my decisions and choices?
All I have for those naysayers is
just a simple smile!