TIME is the Key Factor in all Types of Love Relationships
Many young adults and youngsters meeting me for counseling for various reasons make a sad statement, “No one loves me”. Initially I would be surprised as I believe all parents and partners love their children and partners unless proved otherwise. Then why does an entire generation is living in a feeling of deprival of love?
Then I started discussing this with parents without quoting their children, and things started to unfold. Almost all parents said, “We give them everything, we have never said no for anything, even if it is difficult we ensure that we make it possible for them” or something similar. And interestingly when I asked them how much time do you spend exclusively with your child everyday or on a weekly basis, most of them did not have any clear answer and the conversation would end with their mumbling something like, “Everything is for them, we have to work so hard, I take care of the household, I ensure he gets to eat on time, I take care of his clothes and everything, I, I, I…”
Similar responses I have also been getting from spouses.
Today I ask one simple question to you, “remember the day you fell in love or got married or simply fancied a particular person? Did you not feel like spending a lot of time with them or even the entire day? In fact even after seeing them for long hours, did you not try to connect on the phone late into the night? And what would have happened if you had not given enough time or paid exclusive attention to your love interest?” Well I am sure you had a lot to do even back then, but you put everything on hold- studies, sometimes college or even work, it did not bother you that you were lagging behind at studies or avoiding spending time with your parents.
If you can relate with the above questions then perhaps I do not have to explain that when you love someone you do feel like spending a lot of time with them. I am not saying all the time but certainly a lot of time. And having accepted that, is it so difficult to understand that buying things or earning a livelihood or providing expensive education or one yearly vacation is not enough to let the other person know that you love them?
Love is not spelled as L.O.V.E it is spelled as T.I.M.E
When someone takes efforts to spend time for you then you can perceive that this person is genuinely interested in you and loves you and wants to be with you. If not then it is natural to start doubting your love.
Many parents especially fathers complain about their grown up children that “They are only interested in my money and not me”. Well have you ensured that you have conveyed it to them that it is my responsibility to provide a good life to you so I spend money, but I am genuinely interested in you and so I want to spend time with you. That it does not matter how busy I am, I will always go out of way to ensure that I spend time with you and I love our time together.”
To be felt loved, Love needs to be expressed. Spending money or going out to work and saying that you are doing it for the family, does not automatically convey that you love them.