In my counseling practice I often come across men and women with issues like,

• I want to get married but am afraid every time I think of it 

• We have a good relationship but am not comfortable with sex and that leads to fights

• I think my partner is sleeping with someone else because every time I try to get intimate he moves away finding some excuse or other

• My husband's family is very good but they are all into hugging and holding hands and that makes me very uncomfortable

These and similar stories are getting frequent by the day. When we dig deep into each case what we come to understand is that these people have issues with intimacy, more so physical intimacy. Most of them crave to be in a warm, passionate relationship but the thought of intimacy usually scares them off.  In my experience, the reasons can be variable:

• History of sexual abuse in childhood (Which can be much common than we can think)

• Past sexually abusive relationships

• Coming from a very orthodox family background with very repressive views on sex and intimacy

• Physical pain during sex (More common in women)

• Sexual dysfunctions (More common in males)

• Body Image issues

• Distaste for sex

And there can be more. 

It is important to understand that if you or someone important to you does have fear of intimacy, ridiculing or getting angry with them or running away from relationships can only make it worse. Bad things happen to us some time. But we need to believe that there are good things and good people too. If you have body image issues, a good counselor can help you to know yourself better and to learn to love yourself first. Once we can love and accept ourselves, intimacy comes to us naturally. 

There is nothing in this world that a lot of love and genuine care cannot heal. Patience is the key word here. However professional help may be required in many cases. You can seek help from a counselor or a sexologist, as the case may be. Know that there is someone out there who would give you the warmth of real love. That warmth of love can make intimacy beautiful. 

(Note: It is also important that if you have a distaste for sex or intimacy, and you want to avoid it by choice, it is your moral responsibility to let your prospective partner know about it. Unfortunately many people get into marriage and then deprive their partners of sex and intimacy. Sex is a natural energy and sexual satisfaction is every persons right.)

If you believe this can help someone, do share. To connect with Dr. Sapna Sharma for Personal Counseling WhatsApp on 8446229088 from wherever you are in the world.

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