Did anyone Tell you How Difficult the First year of Marriage can be?
It is different today, very different and yet the same in so many ways.
I meet many youngsters regularly and one question that I love to ask them is their view about marriage. Interestingly many of them straight away say they have no plans to get married and then many of the rest start to describe the functions and arrangements they would like to have for their wedding.
Understandably today’s generation is growing in nuclear families so they have not experienced, compromise, sacrifice, sharing, caring and taking up household responsibilities. In addition most preferring a love marriage, the things have been very rosy for them till the time of their wedding.
We cannot overlook the fact that the entire focus of parents is on educating their child (girl and boy equal) and then seeing them get good paying jobs. In the process most parents are handling practically everything else for the child to the extent of serving them with a glass of water with the intention that the child should conserve all the energy for studies.
Add to that the media portraying fairy tale weddings in almost all the movies and tele-series and the youth is brought up believing that marriage is all about the wedding ceremony, the beautiful dress, the bachelors party and the long foreign honeymoon.
The issues start when the honeymoon is over and it is time to get back to work and the big question is who would cook the hot tiffin that mom was cooking till now? The fifth day the toilet starts stinking and “Oh we have always had clean toilets, who cleans them up?” innocent discussion.
This doesn’t even begin to describe all the adjustments that you need to do with the same person you were so desperately in love with and who is now either sleeping in after a late night every second day, or leaving the half eaten Zomato boxes all around the bed or carelessly leaving the towels and socks and dirty undergarments around the room… absolutely clueless how all of that used to be cleaned up before the marriage.
Did I mention that suddenly you may realize that the person who used to say ‘I love you’ at the drop of a hat is giving you excuses of real life and time crunch and suddenly there is a lot more of real life and less and less of Romance. His mother is not liking what you wear and so he is suggesting you change and her father is giving you a tough time reminding you that you need to earn more and make your investments in so and so way! Phew!
Welcome to the real world. Oh so this is what marriage is all about?
No need to be disheartened though. The shock is there because you were not prepared. Know some more before you feel you are ready to make the commitment. Parents do show the real world to your children. Encourage them to discuss these aspects with their partners. Help them to make informed decisions on whether or not they are ready to take the plunge.
Knowing and working on it together, deciding on sharing household chores beforehand, talking about how to share and plan finances, discussing strategies about handling each other parents etc. Making an informed decision will take away the shock from it and adjustment would be much easier.