Relationships are pretty intriguing. Passionate to start with, confusing to manage and painful to lose. As we move through trying to understand the reasons behind the pain and the confusion, here is what I see- In the beginning we fall for someone special because we focus on the very small things about them. We love their laughter, their carefree nature, the dimple on their cheek, the way they flick their hair and the small things that others have failed to notice or did not find anything special. And we do a lot of small things. We buy them flowers, chocolate, gifts, we sit with them, we talk, we smile and laugh at the smallest of their jokes, we sit silently with them, look into their eyes, hold hands for hours, compliment even the smallest things about each other and just be on the phone even when there is nothing much left to speak for the day. The small things that we try to convince others that they are good enough for us to live our entire life with.

And then the relationship happens and things start changing, rather I would say, we start changing. For some odd reasons we start believing that life is all about doing the big things, the so called significant things, the so called important things- like earning money, reading everything from the newspaper, cooking, replacing the grocery, bringing up the children, sending them to bigger and bigger and more expensive institutes, buying a house and then buying another one, one car, the bigger model and then the expensive brand. All seems very-very important.

You would argue that these are important in life. I agree. But what we miss is that these are not the only important things in life. While going through this motion of life, most of us complain of feeling lonely, unhappy, anxious. Our relationships start going for a toss and then we complain about that too.

The tragedy is, we knew how to be happy. We were happy and kind of ecstatic at a point in life, and then at some point of time we decided that those things that made us really happy were not important. At least, we believe, they are not important anymore. We start to look for happiness in our next paycheck, next car, next return on our investments, our child’s next report card…

All of these next’s come and go and after maybe a bout of pleasure we are back to the baseline with our complaints and incompleteness.

Unfortunately, while we were worrying for the child’s results we forgot to hold our partner’s hand to find solace and strength. While we were anxious about the late payment of our loans we overlooked the biggest source of comfort right next to us, the warm hug with our partner. While we cribbed about being sidelined for the due promotion, we missed the great incentive of looking mischievously or lovingly into our partners eyes.

I often come across couples in counseling who blame each other for not being loving enough, not giving time, not sharing hugs, never complimenting their efforts at making the family work. And I find myself thinking, ‘when both of them need the same why are they not doing it?’ Sadly when I ask them if they do spend time with each other they say, “There is no time for such silly things!!”

Big things in life are responsibilities. We all have them. But small things are what makes us feel needed, loved, cherished and the small things like simply holding hands gives us the reason and strength to go through another day with contentment and bliss.

When did you hold hands with your partner last?

If you believe this can help someone, do share. To connect with me for relationship counseling, send WhatsApp message on 8446229088 from wherever you are in the world.

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