deals with a lot of
pressure from even their very young children. Even toddlers cause anxiety to
parents- an anxiety, which is born out of trying to fulfill their toddler’s
demands. Very young children are now seen to command their parents into wish
succumb quickly to tantrums just in order to stop the howling, wailing and
thrashing around of arms and feet. Or just to stop the stress of dealing with
an unwelcome situation. They quickly give in to the child’s demand, unreasonable
or not! In doing so, they forget that the world will not provide instant
gratification for every demand. Parents are unable to teach their children how
to cope with denial and /or disappointment when wishes are not instantly
fulfilled while focusing only on quelling a tantrum. They fulfill the demand.
They do not or rather, can not, at that minute, think of the long term effects
of the wish fulfillment they have just agreed to.
the same children demand bigger, expensive things. They hold their parents to
ransom, if their parents refuse to oblige. These same children, who are now used
to having their demands instantly met, are completely ill-equipped to deal with
real life situations like rejection from a girlfriend or boyfriend. Some troubled teens even slit their wrists.
Some score inadequate marks in qualifying exams. These are the indicators when
we need to evaluate our parenting pattern and even consult a Parenting Counselor
. However most of us prefer to just
complain and continue.
children veer towards extremes of behavior because they have not been brought
up with the knowledge of delayed or postponed gratification. Most of these
children do not resolve to better their grades in another exam; because their
parents are quick to seek admission by paying high capitation fees.
gratification means having a wish fulfilled as soon as it comes to mind.”
is a deadly disease which today’s generation is strongly prone to. Smoking, drinking and attraction flings are other
forms of this disease. One dangerous offshoot is to expect to get a girl/boy to
like you and be attracted to you in return, only because you like them. A
fearful part of this expectation is the violent backlash if the girl refuses the
attentions. Rejection by a girl leads to extreme behavior by the disappointed
suitor: the boy does not hesitate before causing facial or physical mutilation,
rape and even other types of verbal and sexual assault.
first and foremost duty of all parents should be to teach their children to
accept ‘no’ as an answer to some demands. Children need to be taught very early
in their lives to put control measures on their wishes and desires. Do not
hesitate to take guidance from a parenting Counselor
to deal with your particular situation. On the
contrary, today, parents are overextending themselves, trying to fulfill their
child’s every demand. Have we made ourselves incapable of facing the fact that
our children will have worrisome, obstacle-ridden lives? Can we not respond to
unreasonable demands of our children by getting them to distinguish between
necessities and luxuries? Can we ask them if they have earned the thing that
they are demanding so strongly?
the kids are small, we can always teach them to incentivize their lives- aim
for higher school grades to get their wants fulfilled. If they are young
adults, we can ask them to pitch in and be responsible for household tasks and
duties, maybe even take up part-time summer jobs!
restraint and self-control is even more important than getting a degree. We
need to teach our children the power of patience. We should learn to avoid
being emotionally blackmailed. Instead we must practice and teach our children
the benefits of ‘delayed gratification’. Please remember it’s parents who need
to take help from the Parenting Counselor
to create the right environment for their children instead of dragging
the children to the counselor with an intention of ‘FIXING’ them.