Why do We Endure Pain in Relationships

  • Dr. Sapna Sharma
  • 13 November 2019

Relationships and Pain have an amazing connection. Our relationships bring in pain and by enduring our pain we bring in more pain into the same relationships. What is more interesting is the degree to which we endure the pain even when we keep saying ‘I will not bear it anymore!’

Why do we endure all the pain? Sadly, it is not because we are too much in love. We endure a lot because we are afraid to see beyond the relationship causing the pain. Yes, we are afraid. And not only because the option that appear to be pointing towards a break up. No sir, it is not just the break up that we are afraid of.

When in a relationship, we are challenged to the maximum to look into our own weaknesses and inner monsters that are hidden even from us. And the conflict is threatening to expose us to us. This is enough to keep us in perpetual fear to make us paralyzed enough as not to take any action. Let’s see what are some of these monsters:

·         Fear to accept our needs
·         Fear to accept that may be we have made wrong choices
·         Fear of stepping out of our comfort zone (Even if it is painful)
·         Fear to face conflicts
·         Fear to accept that something we believed in has failed or is about to fail.
·         Fear to take responsibility in the problem
·         Fear to participate in a rational, non shouting, open conversation
·         Fear to accept that the other person is right
·         Fear of the reaction of others to the state of our relationship
·         Fear to ask for help

The list can be a bit longer, but I am sure you get the drift. Nearly paralyzed by one fear or the other, we go on enduring the pain while giving ourselves lame excuses like- ‘there is nothing that can be done’ or ‘this is my fate’ or ‘no one can help me’. But the saddest part is when we reach a stage where we can even defend our pain under the garb of, ‘I am now used to it’.

Where are you stuck? Which are the fears that are keeping you glued to your pain/ painful relationship?

Explore yourself and share with me in the comment box below. If you wish to discuss something that is personal to you, let us know and we can connect.



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