Love, today, is a very complex matter. It seems to be more words than feelings and appears to be more about physical and on impulse than about connection and commitment. Of course, we all still long for real love. But there are confusions. 

Getting in love is easy, staying in love is difficult. As time passes, there are doubts and questions. In a marriage, one tries to make it work as much as possible. In all other relationships, time is the real test. 

However, we first need to understand that not all relationships begin with a deep understanding of each other and ourselves. It is usually an attraction for one or the other trait of the other person. Basically, it is what we find attractive. But in many cases, the attraction is simply a result of spending long hours with each other. Given the close proximity in which men and women study and work together, frequent and fleeting attractions are common.

However, if we take this attraction to be love and load it with our expectations of ‘happily ever after’, we get into quick commitments. But doubts about the relationship start creeping in soon. 

The question that troubles us is, “How do I know if he/she is the right one and we are truly in love with each other?”

There is a very simple test. When we love anyone or anything the natural tendency is to spend as much time with them as possible. It applies not only to people but also to activities like sports, music, pets and inanimate objects like the favorite watch or better still our mobile instruments. 

If you want to know the answer, simply observe yourself and your partner. Do they want to spend every free moment with you or at least most of it? Are they majorly focused on you when you are together and not distracted by phone or TV? Do they wish to make you a part of as many of their plans as possible?

Now ask the same questions about yourself. Be candid. If it is not marriage yet, you need some serious answers before you make a further commitment.

Note that if you or they have to beg for each other’s time frequently, there is a red flag in the relationship. 

Sometimes it can happen just as an oversight so it is worth having an open conversation about it. Mind you - Conversation, not cribbing and complaining. Observe yourself and them during the conversation. The genuine desire to be together can be recognized. In that case, you can both work out plans to make the relationship work better. But if the excuses they or you give are flimsy, know that it is time to step out of the relationship.

Remember the spelling of love is not LOVE, it is TIME.

If you believe this can help someone, do share. To connect with me for Relationship Counseling WhatsApp on 8446229088 from wherever you are in the world.

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