Go ahead and take a break from whatever you are doing, even while reading this think of a few recent arguments you have been into with friends, family or colleagues. Use all your skills to prove to yourself that it was utmost essential to win that argument for the genuine good of the society or at least one person.
Not many. I can bet on it. Now that you take a second look at the argument you may even feel that considering the bitter outcome of the argument, it would have been a sane thing to even totally avoid getting into it in the first place.
Now we can see it but what happens when actually an argument starts? The ‘ego’- the battered little thing inside us that has been trying to prove to ourselves that we are the people of importance, starts taking over. The ‘ego’ sees it as an ‘opportunity’ to prove something and then there is no looking back. The more the opposition the more the ego takes it all personally and more than the point in question it becomes important for us to prove that “I” am right and “YOU” are wrong. The stress hormones rise, bitter feeling settle in, leaving us in an exhausted state of emotional strength and mental health.
Surprisingly, winning an argument is seldom a happy feeling. Rather we have created adversaries, if not enemies, in the process. There are hurt feelings that often lead to mental illness like anxiety, depression, and stress if not healed on time. In order to prove one silly point we might have inflicted some personal insults. Our voice raised and the body posture becoming defensive and aggressive at the same time.
Argument won- friend lost- mental peace disturbed and mental health at risk.
Many arguments turn out to be the last conversations with important people.
And the suffering is worse than the one of losing an argument. Because now you have won but the price has been so high and personal that you cannot afford to celebrate. So you suffer and then find reasons to justify all that happened and try to invent ways to push the blame on the other person.
Net result - LOST. Nothing positive is achieved in majority of arguments.
So next time instead of winning, try to keep the focus on love and learning. Watch your words, tone, gestures and feelings. The moment there is a sign of negativity- QUIT. It is not worth it.
After all, we can always settle on “agree to disagree!” Maintain our dignity, respect, mood and relationship and give an opportunity for the same to our partner.